Hello there, Stranger!
Welcome to my humble little blog.

The name's Tammie, but friends call me Tam (not 'thumb').

Who am I, you ask?
I'm not that smart top-scorer girl in your class.
I'm not that pretty lass you always see on the streets either.
I am passionate, stubborn and emotional.
My absolute most favorite thing to do is hanging out with people I care & love.
My passion burns for Jesus & photography.
I wish to travel more and see more.

This blog was created so I get to jot down my feelings.
Happenings in life.
That is, if I'm not too lazy to update ;)

Okay! So I've finally got enough things I need to make a wish list.

I know I always say I don't like to make a wish list because I believe that people close to me should know what I want instead of me telling them what I want. But I guess no one will know the exact things I want if I don't say it out. Yeah, it may be cool and totally awesome and touching if you guys did get me something I need even though I never said it out loud, but it's not fair to people who love me. Something I've learn along the way. I'm working on it. lol.

So I've compiled a list of material things I think would be beneficial to me.



1. Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid by Lemony Snicket




I am utterly amazed at the way Lemony Snicket writes.
His writings are inspiring and funny, loving and touching, all in one. I have read quotes from this book which makes me want for more.
But when I go searching for them in book stores around KL, not one copy is found.
Thus, making me sad.
Even Kinokuniya does not seem to have it.


2. Soul Surfer by Bethany Hamilton

Well, no matter what the cover looks like, what's inside those cover is what I'm looking forward to have.
It's a movie now, but I don't want to watch the movie until I've read the book. Usually books are always way better then the movie adaptation.

What made me want this book is simple, it's inspiring. It talks about faith from a teen girl's point of view. And if there's life changing lessons Bethany learnt, I need to have them in my life as well.

3. Alice's Adventure in Wonderland (yes the famous Alice in Wonderland) by Lewis Carroll
Why would I ask for a children's book?
Because if you read the whole story carefully, you'll find that most scenes have underlying messages, clearly too deep for children to understand. It's probably categorised under "Children's Storybook" because it's characters are cute little fun things children can relate to, but the story is more then that.

Lewis Carroll has a knack with words. He plays with them.

Can I say that he's one of  the writers in his time that actually play with typography..?

4. The Catcher in the Rye by J. D Salinger


Simply because it's such a known novel and I have yet to read it. And... probably it's because the novel impacted the life of my favourite British actor, got that from an interview.

I'd love to give this book a read.



By now you probably think all the items in my wishlist are books.
Well guess what.. You're right. Because my wishlist ends here. haha.
I'll be updating this from time to time, to add in more things I want or need (that hopefully are something else other than book. lol)
I'm easy to please, give me an interesting book and I'll shut up for 1 whole day. I love reading.


It brings me places.
Teaches me new emotions.
Gives me new perspective.
Encourages me during tough times.
Expands my imaginations. So.. why not wish for books?


So yeah, wait for my list to be updated! :)
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Tortoises have shells.
Bulls have horns.
Dogs have tails.

But do you know that there actually are cats in this world that grows wings?


Yes, some cats grow wings. BELIEVE MEEEEE.
Yesh I'm still high on 'drugs' but not on the synthetic drugs, okay. Still high on Jesus. lol. So what I'm about to blog is fully true. BELIEVE!


So there's this cat in China, it grew wings.












































What?

You expect me to say more? You don't believe me do you? Well, you need to! :P


Haha, okay, no more trolling.

About 267.12km from Feng's home in Sichuan,

another family in Chongqing also has a winged cat. (I am so geographical.tsk.)

So this family has a winged cat too. Proof.
In fact, winged cats aren't as unusual as you think. There appears to be a lot of them throughout history. So much that Wikipedia has a compilation of cats who grew wings. Check it out here.

If you did click on all the links I've provided, you'll also find out why these cats grew wings.

Basically, it's because these cats have long coats of fur. Longer then normal cats. Wikipedia suggested 3 main factors: 1. Poor grooming 2. Skin condition 3. DNA causes growth of extra limbs.

If you're wondering, none of these cats can fly. Those wings are just extra growth on their backs.


If you think I'm going to stop here, you're wrong. :D

Since we're on winged cats, I thought I might as well cover 'horn' cats. See what I did there?

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I'm on a kind of drug.

I've been having this drug in my system for more then 48 hours. I feel great. It's as if there's no burden in me any more. I don't need to worry.

It's better then morphine (I heard they're good). It's better then ecstasy (I hear they can easily make you high).

This drug is different, it makes me feel calm and high at the same time. And amazingly enough, there's no bad side effects. Maybe the obvious side effect is that it makes you talk about it with passion.
Although this pill costs more then you can imagine, it paid for itself, so that all of us can have it like it's water. Like I said, this drug is free.

In case you haven't figure out what I'm talking about yet, here's a hint: this drug is Jesus.

I have know this drug for most of my life. I've accepted it before. But what I've never really did was to take it in. Fully swallow it down. Before this, I let my insecurities, miseries, anxieties and worries take over. No more.

I love the way my mind's eyes are opened. I love the way I have solutions for my miseries. I love the way He sets me free. But most of all, I love that fact that I know I'm in good hands.
You certainly feel wonderful.
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Hi guys! (if you all are still stalking my blog)

I have something special to share with you guys today. Something that touched me when I first watched it. Something simple yet full of impact.

I just found out that my friends made a PSA video and named it "A Generation's Hue", in case you don't know what PSA means, it stands for Public Service Announcement.

I've watched it. And if the main actor (the father) wasn't a friend I know personally, I would have tear a little bit, rage a little bit, while watching the 1 minute video.
I guess it just feels weird to see someone you know act so violent all of a sudden, and he's not like that in real life. He's a God fearing guy in real life :)

So anyway, click this link to direct you to the video. It's actually a contest and they are in the top 10 finalist. That should say something

I've watched all the 9 other PSA videos, and I can honestly, unbias-ly tell you that "A Generation's Hue" is the best.
Watch it, and if you feel it's not good enough, don't vote. But if you think it really speaks out the message the video was carrying, vote.
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I found out that the girl who move in after I moved out of my old room passed away a few days ago.

An eerie feeling crept upon me... because somehow, I felt like she's my replacement. She may not know me, she only knows she got a room to stay in PJ because I moved out.

She died from heart condition. Heard from my ex room-mate that she fainted while in the bathroom. Her mother felt weird that her daughter spent such a long time in the bathroom, but when she come around to checked, she was unconscious. By the time they sent her to the hospital, it was too late. Her heart stopped beating.

When I hear that story being told, I felt sad.
Still such young girl, probably around 19-20 years old. Yet her journey on earth ended. I wonder if she knew God. I wonder if she ever had the chance to get to know Him before she left :'(

I may not know her personally. But I found her facebook profile while going though my ex room-mate's profile.
Friends wrote on her wall. So many wishing her R.I.P.
I saw her face. I recognised her. I've seen her around campus before. Then I saw her photos taken with her family. Her mother smiled so happily while posing with her in the photos. I can only imagine how opposite her dear mother must have felt now.

Every life is precious.
It doesn't matter if everyone hates you when you're alive. It doesn't matter if you hate yourself or your life. As long as you've set foot on this earth, you have, in one way or another impacted someone's life. And when you leave, someone will mourn for you.


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Today I found out how fortunate I am to have parents who does not give me everything I want.

During my childhood, it was so difficult to get my mother to buy me any thing I want in the shopping mall.
Even if I begged, pout, pulled a long dark face or cried, she is always firm in her answer, No.
Don't get me wrong, my mother always provide me with things I need, just not all the things I want.
I want toys, I want candies, I want useless products that looks good. Unlike me, she knows those things aren't beneficial for me, so she needs to make the decision for me.

As I grew up, my mother starts to introduce me to responsibility and independence.
She would make me go to shops and buy stuff on my own. Cook lunch or dinner for the family. Give me the responsibility of looking after my younger siblings. If she and dad have to go out and run some errands, she would drill in me that I have to feed them and not let them stay up so late at night.

At that time I felt that she was so nagging and annoying. I swore to myself that I would never be a mother like that.

I understand now why she was so 'hard' on me. Because she was the eldest daughter in her family too. I used to complain for being the first child in the family.

She knows how important it was for the first-born to learn to be independent and responsible.
Ma, thank you for this hard to learn, yet precious lesson in life.
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and when he said "Tammie, right?"
I was so freakishingly shy that I didn't have the guts to look at him in his eyes. whattheheck.
I wanted to headdesk myself when I got home and realised that I should've answered him:
"Yeah *insert smile* and you are XXXXX(his name, which I know but I'm not going to reveal here), right?"

Instead. You know what I replied him?

HOW FORMAL CAN I GET.
LIKE, URGGGHHHH.


He's not your discipline teacher, Tammie Tan Ming Ai.
Why don't you add a "Sir" behind your "Yes." Might as well, since you made it that formal. Gahhh.

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...can teach you the most valuable lesson. ya know?


Most of the time we, no, I want happening music for Praise & Worship session. I want a hilarious person to preach the sermon. But honestly, how impactful are those to me?



Today, with just 6 people, we gather in His name. We sang and then this Aunty, a friend of my mother, started sharing her personal testimony.

She is a petite and thin lady. She dresses in a demure way. Her hair is chopped in bob style and strains of whites are showing. Fingers on her left hand are curled in, in a way that is not obvious, but if you do pay attention, your eyes will always linger on them a second longer then they should.
I have a feeling her appearance does not justify her age. Wrinkles. Overly tanned skin. Perhaps its the hard years she had to endure working during her youth, or perhaps she just looks older then she really is, either way, she does look like a woman who is worn out physically. However, despite all that, she wears a smile that is warm and genuine. You can see that there is real joy and peace that radiates out of her.

She shared lots of things. About her old woman, how her mother fell and cut herself. How hard it was for her and how tired this unfortunate event made her. At first I was listening to her, nodding my head at all the correct moments and just wondering where all this is going...

Then, Aunty started talking about serving in church. Somehow, that caught my attention. She is the committee of the church. One of the few who was there to support the church from Day 1.

During church service yesterday, she was asked to care for the pastor's children, all 3 of them. Since the children's mother and grandma were in the choir and the pastor himself is preaching, she (as the Sunday School teacher) was the only one available to care for the children. The kids fell asleep in her arms during the service. Then it was time for photography session. For the committees to take a photo to be printed in the church's magazine.

It was during this time that her battle begin. With a child sleeping soundlessly in her arms, Aunty could not afford to go up to take the photo with the group. Yet, in her heart, she wanted so very much to do so. She said her heart felt sour watching all the committee went up for the group photo. I could relate to her at that moment. I know that feeling so well.

When she was relating this part to us, I can feel her pain.
You see, all her life, she has dedicated her time to serve God in that church. That church was home to her. She gave her effort to see it grow. The photo session was like a token of acknowledgement from the church in return. Yet she could not enjoy it.


By the time she finished this testimony, her eyes were slightly pink and her voice was shaky. I wanted to tear too.

Then, she turned to me and rox. For the first time since she started talking, she was looking directly at us. She told us she shared this today because of us, youngsters. She wanted to encourage us that no matter how hard is it to serve God, even if it seems like all is in vain, even if it seems like you're not going to gain any acknowledgement from anyone, NEVER give up. Never be discourage. Because God will reward is in the end. In His time.

This was the best 'sermon' I've had in a long time. Thank you, Aunty.
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If you've been in my life these few days you know its like some sort of drama.

Walking back in the rain?
Ignoring people out of the blue?
Getting mad for no apparent reason?
Getting into a huge argument with a close friend?

Those doesn't sound like me. At all.
If you could time travel and went back to predict to the me one year ago, things that would happen these few days, I would have told you in your face that you're dead wrong.

But alas. How sin can twist us. How the thought of evil and depressing thoughts can wrap us up in it's long, boney, creepy fingers. Never underestimate it's power- dark, hungry and lurking.

To be completely honest, it was all happening in my head- the getting mad for no reason thing. I was thinking depressing thoughts. Which well, surprise, surprise: made me depress. Then it made me angry. And the jokes which were meant to lighten the mood that evening seem to backfire.
Because in my head, I was a mess already. Then the jokes aimed at me came in & everyone finds it funny; while I was deep in depressing thoughts and a raging heart. It was not funny to me. It was the last straw.


It's sad.
I don't want things to be like this.
But I let them.
I welcome those thoughts.
I entertained them.

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Yes! The long battle for Planetshakers tickets is finally over. phew.
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